Say something about gay babies.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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