Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
