lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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