good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
