There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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