as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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