If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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