32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
