Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
