You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
