i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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