$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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