so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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