It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
