i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
