He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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