I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
