Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
