Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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