Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
