just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
one might say we're banned from that church
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
