what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
