this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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