Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
