You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
