People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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