I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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