Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize