Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
