I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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