Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
