i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
