my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
