So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's always time for handjobs
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
