is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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