a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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