she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
