Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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