im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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