he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They took my balls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
