We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
