But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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