So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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