even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
