just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
