i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
