You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
