Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
