did you get engaged???
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
