I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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