Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
