That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
