I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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