Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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