if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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