Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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