As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
