She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
