I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
