The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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