I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
