that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
