so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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