So drunk its hurt
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
