let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
