he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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