You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize